Believe nothing, Question Everything
I just left a profound spiritual conference.
I've made friends with this amazingly intuitive Christian young man named Eric.
The guy's one of the least book-smart fellows I know (and usually that means you're outside my bubble, my sphere of reference)... but for some reason, he's got a gift... a talent... an ability to speak to people, to reach out to them on their level, to make the truth of Christianity make sense.
We've just concluded another one of our weekly sessions. I consider myself a profound thinker... That is, I enjoy engaging in mental exercizes that a) bring my beliefs into question, and b) require me to defend them.
But after engaging in a spiritual sparring session with Eric... I feel battered, bruised, broken... made poignantly aware of my own shortcomings. Eric is three years my junior, but he's got a profound spiritual awareness that far exceeds my own, even though I've been a Christian for almost 12 years.
Take, for example, my biggest struggle, my mental addiction to marijuana. I don't need Eric to point out the fact that I've made it a mental crutch, a quick way to achieve (temporary) peace of mind. I'll be the first to admit that I have a serious problem with anxiety... But should I self-medicate? Especially with something that will eventually pollute my lungs and rot my brain? Or should I seek the One who purifies all?
Eric raised some interesting points. How much does God really mean to me? I mean, really mean to me? This very night, could I take my eight-five dollar glass bong and shatter it against the ground, while asking myself, "Is an $85 dollar bong really worth a human soul?"
God has all the ability in the world to satisfy our lives. And yet we -- I -- limit Him by choosing to seek solace and peace in... in a plant. Or a beer bottle. Or a husband, or a wife. A girlfriend, a boyfriend, whatever.
I have a lot of things to change in my life. And if I can face these obstacles, overcome these hurtles, and relinquish the authority from myself back to God (who has the map)... Maybe then everything might start to make sense...
I've made friends with this amazingly intuitive Christian young man named Eric.
The guy's one of the least book-smart fellows I know (and usually that means you're outside my bubble, my sphere of reference)... but for some reason, he's got a gift... a talent... an ability to speak to people, to reach out to them on their level, to make the truth of Christianity make sense.
We've just concluded another one of our weekly sessions. I consider myself a profound thinker... That is, I enjoy engaging in mental exercizes that a) bring my beliefs into question, and b) require me to defend them.
But after engaging in a spiritual sparring session with Eric... I feel battered, bruised, broken... made poignantly aware of my own shortcomings. Eric is three years my junior, but he's got a profound spiritual awareness that far exceeds my own, even though I've been a Christian for almost 12 years.
Take, for example, my biggest struggle, my mental addiction to marijuana. I don't need Eric to point out the fact that I've made it a mental crutch, a quick way to achieve (temporary) peace of mind. I'll be the first to admit that I have a serious problem with anxiety... But should I self-medicate? Especially with something that will eventually pollute my lungs and rot my brain? Or should I seek the One who purifies all?
Eric raised some interesting points. How much does God really mean to me? I mean, really mean to me? This very night, could I take my eight-five dollar glass bong and shatter it against the ground, while asking myself, "Is an $85 dollar bong really worth a human soul?"
God has all the ability in the world to satisfy our lives. And yet we -- I -- limit Him by choosing to seek solace and peace in... in a plant. Or a beer bottle. Or a husband, or a wife. A girlfriend, a boyfriend, whatever.
I have a lot of things to change in my life. And if I can face these obstacles, overcome these hurtles, and relinquish the authority from myself back to God (who has the map)... Maybe then everything might start to make sense...
posted by Billy at 12:03 AM
2 Comments:
Don't get too upset about the marijuana. As poisons go, it's one of the mildest. If it isn't helping you, and it isn't interesting, take a break from it. I was a regular smoker for a few years, and eventually just "got bored with it" and stopped doing it very much. It can be disorienting. Right now your base state is intoxication. You just need time to recalibrate your "base" to be where you aren't intoxicated. I'm afraid that I don't have any advice on the spiritual thing, just practical matters. :)
-Kinnison
I've been a Christian since age 13 ... that'll be 17 years come Valentine's Day. It's still not easy. Every week or so presents a new struggle, a new challenge, and a new way to grow.
Personally, I would encourage you to keep the attitude that you can't do it, for you can't and I can't. The only thing to add is He can.
May I pray for you, Billy? :)
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