The Mall Test (Hotness Scale)
I got a chance to go the mall on Sunday. Usually I avoid the mall at all costs, for reasons too numerous to list. The main thing I hate about malls is how they seem to be a cross-sectional representation of the American culture. In high school and the first few years of college, when I still had the tenacity and quick mind of youth, the mall was the perfect place to go to observe and comment upon the hilarious oddities of society. But now I just see it as a parking hassle and a crowd of obnoxious noisy humans that must be waded through. Amazing, isn't it, the older we get, the more like our parents and grandparents we become? Well, maybe not all of us... But I can definitely see some of my grandfather's traits popping up in me, which is odd because he and I never really had much in common in the beginning. I attribute these traits to genetics; it's true, a lot of quirks are inherited. I can see my ancestors from 400 years ago being anxious and anal retentive while at the same time ponderous and emotionally tweaked.
I was at the mall by myself, so I had a lot of time to think. When I was younger, I used to be able to look at a person and think of something witty and scathing to say about them. Most of the time I'd share it with a friend. But now I was alone, and it was many years later, and I was suddenly shocked at my thoughts. I could no longer, in good sense, comment upon these people around me; because, for once, I was aware of myself, of my place in society. I had a history now, a past complete with mistakes and major f*ck-ups. I'd won, and I'd lost, I'd tried and I'd failed. I was no longer the fresh rocket; I was almost out of gas, petered out, riding on fumes.
Everybody around me was beautiful. Everyone around me had style. I was wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a denim jacket. Classic, I thought. But noone appreciates classics, anymore. And that became obvious as I looked upon these gorgeous ladies, young and old. And the guys... they seemed to be wearing everything I wasn't. Since when did guys know fashion? Unless their ladies dress them... or they're gay... Do men really pay attention to what's in these days? Where are they learning this stuff? I refuse to watch a show where it takes four gay men to dress a single straight man. What does that say about us?
I'm off on a rabbit hole here. The point of the whole story is, don't go to the mall unless you want to know just where you stand on the hotness barometer.
I think I'm somewhere at like a negative four, or five.
Also, to reinforce my self-deprecating nerd image, I actually bought something at the mall. I wandered into Electronics Boutique and happened upon an old computer game I used to play maniacally in high school... Starcraft. It came with an expansion set, Brood War. I don't know about you, but I think Starcraft is the greatest game ever invented. I couldn't care less about video games in general, but this is the only game I've ever been addicted to. It's basically a Civilization-type game, except it's in outer space, and everything is in real-time. The game was only $20.00, so I bought it, drove home, and played it for seven straight hours. I had to forcibly remove myself from the computer Sunday night. I've avoided it for the past 24 hours. I'm scared to play again...
Ah, another Valentine's Day, come and gone. Does anyone else who's single out there think this day pretty much makes them feel like crap? I'm a server at Outback Steakhouse, so I had to pander to these noxious lovebirds all night. (Humorous observation: the single couples, that is, the ones without kids, seemed to be having a WAAAAAAY better time than the couples with children: a supposedly romantic night ruined by another screaming match with the rugrats). First of all, it's a day for Hallmark, candy companies, florists, and teddy bear manufacturers to hi-jack the market whole-sale. This is no surprise, however. Holidays are now marketed and franchised. Celebration in our society is the equivalent to, or is practiced by, the act of spending money. Secondly, if you love someone, why do you need one special day set aside to remind them? I mean, yeah, I guess it's nice and all, but women see it coming a month away. Don't you think your lady would appreciate a little more spontaneity?
And I'm not bitter!
I guess it could be fun when you're in love.
I was at the mall by myself, so I had a lot of time to think. When I was younger, I used to be able to look at a person and think of something witty and scathing to say about them. Most of the time I'd share it with a friend. But now I was alone, and it was many years later, and I was suddenly shocked at my thoughts. I could no longer, in good sense, comment upon these people around me; because, for once, I was aware of myself, of my place in society. I had a history now, a past complete with mistakes and major f*ck-ups. I'd won, and I'd lost, I'd tried and I'd failed. I was no longer the fresh rocket; I was almost out of gas, petered out, riding on fumes.
Everybody around me was beautiful. Everyone around me had style. I was wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a denim jacket. Classic, I thought. But noone appreciates classics, anymore. And that became obvious as I looked upon these gorgeous ladies, young and old. And the guys... they seemed to be wearing everything I wasn't. Since when did guys know fashion? Unless their ladies dress them... or they're gay... Do men really pay attention to what's in these days? Where are they learning this stuff? I refuse to watch a show where it takes four gay men to dress a single straight man. What does that say about us?
I'm off on a rabbit hole here. The point of the whole story is, don't go to the mall unless you want to know just where you stand on the hotness barometer.
I think I'm somewhere at like a negative four, or five.
Also, to reinforce my self-deprecating nerd image, I actually bought something at the mall. I wandered into Electronics Boutique and happened upon an old computer game I used to play maniacally in high school... Starcraft. It came with an expansion set, Brood War. I don't know about you, but I think Starcraft is the greatest game ever invented. I couldn't care less about video games in general, but this is the only game I've ever been addicted to. It's basically a Civilization-type game, except it's in outer space, and everything is in real-time. The game was only $20.00, so I bought it, drove home, and played it for seven straight hours. I had to forcibly remove myself from the computer Sunday night. I've avoided it for the past 24 hours. I'm scared to play again...
Ah, another Valentine's Day, come and gone. Does anyone else who's single out there think this day pretty much makes them feel like crap? I'm a server at Outback Steakhouse, so I had to pander to these noxious lovebirds all night. (Humorous observation: the single couples, that is, the ones without kids, seemed to be having a WAAAAAAY better time than the couples with children: a supposedly romantic night ruined by another screaming match with the rugrats). First of all, it's a day for Hallmark, candy companies, florists, and teddy bear manufacturers to hi-jack the market whole-sale. This is no surprise, however. Holidays are now marketed and franchised. Celebration in our society is the equivalent to, or is practiced by, the act of spending money. Secondly, if you love someone, why do you need one special day set aside to remind them? I mean, yeah, I guess it's nice and all, but women see it coming a month away. Don't you think your lady would appreciate a little more spontaneity?
And I'm not bitter!
I guess it could be fun when you're in love.
posted by Billy at 1:27 PM
2 Comments:
represent for the negative-fours...
Starcraft was cool, but I preferred Warcraft. Maybe that betrays my self-depracating nerd side too.
peace, brock76
Hrm...sounds like you may be entering the "fashion-freeze" stage of life there; one realizes there are more fashionable things one could be wearing, but one buys the same old shirts anyway. Of course, some of us never really wear the right stuff to begin with. And I could never get my damn collars to stand up in the 80's, either. I'm just bitter and old, so nevermind.
And here's ze frank's take on Valentine's Day, which might inspire you. "Having a holiday where you're supposed to feel love, though, is kind of tough, ya know? It's hard to do under pressure. It's like...Pee! Right now! Day."
I obviously don't have much to say; just been seeing your site in my logs occasionally. Good to see you, man!
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