The Circle is Now Complete

It's taken almost thirty years to tell the tale... the whole tale. Six films to complete the most ambitious film project ever conceived.

If you're a girl, or if you haven't seen the latest -- and last -- Star Wars film, you might want to jet now, because I'm about to enter official Geek mode.

SPOILERS GALORE AHEAD!

Speechless. For once I am left speechless.

After seeing this movie, I forgive George Lucas for anything he might have done wrong in Episodes I and II.

There's really nowhere to start, nowhere to begin. The original Star Wars trilogy was the first series of movies I consciously remember watching as a child. By the time I was six I knew almost every line by heart. I had the toys (I used to tie firecrackers to them and freeze them in cups of ice); me and my friends played make-believe (while everyone else argued over who got to be Luke Skywalker, I simply leaned back and twirled my blaster... I was Han Solo); I even read the books (ah, the Thrawn trilogy). Star Wars is permanently ingrained into my psyche. It is a part of me. And it's the same with guys like me everywhere, between the ages 25-40. It came to us during a time in our young lives when we lusted for adventure, and the Star Wars movies delivered and then some. The movies had everything: the archetypal heroes and villains; cool robots; laser guns, lightsabres, space ships and aliens. It was the battle of good vs. evil on a galactic scale.

I was a little disappointed with Episodes I and II. There were a lot of good parts, but there were a lot of bad parts, too. In all I enjoyed them, but they just didn't have the "feel" of Star Wars. I believe if George Lucas handed the reigns over to another scriptwriter and director, we'd have three totally different movies... probably better movies. As it is, though, Lucas pulled a rabbit out of his hat with Episode III. I left the theater feeling a certain finality, mixed with a little sadness. I mean, it was the end... the END... of Star Wars. That was it. The story had been told. But at the same time I had that final sense of closure, you know... now you know the whole tale in its entirety. All the secrets had been revealed. I thought it was the perfect ending for such an amazing modern myth.

Joy Electric's Ronnie Martin 

An Interview With Joy Electric

Ronnie Martin, the man behind Joy Electric (my all-time favorite band), graciously conducted an e-mail interview with me this past week. If you're wondering where I got the name (and inspiration) for this blog, it's the title of a Joy Electric song.

For those of you unfamiliar with the band, Ronnie Martin has been making music as Joy Electric for at least 10 years. It can best be described as electronic pop, with influences ranging from The Smiths, to New Order, even Kraftwerk and the early Human League.

I've been a fan of Joy Electric since my freshman year of high school, in 1994, and if any of you know me, you know just how often and how vigorously I've proselytized for him. I can't help it, I think he's a musical genius and I want share his talent with as many people as possible.

Thanks to Ronnie for graciously taking the time to respond to his fans, and for conducting an interview like this one. He's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet.

Oh! He's also posting this interview to his OFFICIAL website! Isn't that the most awesome thing you've ever heard?! BE SURE TO VISIT HIS WEBSITE AND READ IT THERE, TOO!!

Now, without further ado, here's the interview:

...

BILL: What was your VERY FIRST band, ever? What kind of music was it? Who were the members? Your influences?

RONNIE: It was called 2 Lads and it consisted of myself and my brother Jason. It was 80's electronic pop stuff....lots of strings, bells and primitive drum programming. We were influenced by New Order, the Pet Shop Boys and The Smiths, among others. I think we had some good songs, but I was just learning how to program and sequence things so it was a bit rough. I guess things haven't changed much, have they? But it was a fun, if not confusing time.

BILL: Let's go back to Morella's Forest. What kind of music were you and Jason playing at that time? Who were your influences back then?

RONNIE: Well, we were still doing the 2 Lads thing when Morellas started, but that project was really just me writing and programming on the keyboards. Jason would play live but he really didn't have much of a role beyond that. When we started Morellas, it was myself on guitar, Jason on drums, and our friend Randy Lamb on bass. We were really into LSU, The Cure and New Order at the time, and that's basically what the band sounded like. It just started with us playing in the studio that my Dad had built us and before we knew it I had written a bunch of songs and Randy started getting us some live shows. We were all learning our instruments, but I picked up the guitar really easy and Jason did the same with the drums. We ended up signing a deal with a new label called Narrowpath Records (Breakfast With Amy / The Crucified). We ended up recording one album that never came out due to financial problems that eventually put the label out of business. Really fun and exciting times, though.

BILL: Besides you and your brother Jason, who were the other band members of Morella's Forest? Have they gone on to form any of their own music projects?

RONNIE: Randy Lamb went on to form a band called Dear, but he didn't really pursue it for too long. I actually played drums for Dear a few times, but Jason and I had kind of a falling out with him during that time so things quickly deteriorated. It was kind of a dramatic ordeal at the time, but Randy insisted on pulling away from Jason and I so we simply carried on doing what we were doing in spite of that. A lot of unresolved behaviors, unfortunately.

BILL: You've said before that Mike Knott came up with the name Dance House Children, and you hated it. How come you decided to stick with it for your first three albums? Did you have a choice, or was it contractual?

RONNIE: We were young. Mike really insisted on the name, and we were so young and so eager to sign with the label that we weren't about to put up a fight, you know? There's a time to rock the boat, but at that point we were more concerned with getting our foot in the door than argue about something like that. I was just so appreciative and excited to be getting a deal, and probably even more so because it was coming from one of our idols. Ironically, the same thing basically happened with the "Joy Electric" name years later when I signed with T&N. I've never had a good band name, starting with Morellas until now. I guess it wasn't meant to be....

BILL: You said in a recent interview that you had some other band names besides Joy Electric in mind when you joined Tooth & Nail, but Brandon Ebel liked "Joy Electric" so much he wanted you to keep it. What were those other band names? Do you still remember them?

RONNIE: I honestly don't remember them very clearly.....there were three or four I had on a list. One of them was really similar sounding to "Strawberry Alarm Clock", which was that psychedelic band from the late 60's. Maybe I'm glad he did insist on Joy E.....

BILL: You're a music purist. I think that's pretty obvious by now. But when you DO include drum machines and guitars, especially in the case of a song like the original version of "Sorcery" (from Artcore Vol. 1), it sounds REALLY awesome. Will you EVER use a guitar or a drum machine on an official Joy Electric song again, or is that gone forever?

RONNIE: I get asked this all the time for some reason. You know, I think drum machines are fun to use and I really enjoy playing and writing on the guitar, but I have a really idealistic view of what I think electronic music should sound like. When I was recording "Melody" I was using drum machines mixed with a lot of homemade sounds, and it just dawned on me that there was no reason to be using the same drum sounds that everybody else was using. A synthesizer is for creating and exploring new sounds and textures, so why would I stop creating and exploring when it comes time to lay down drum tracks? I just had a vision to take the idea of synthetic music to its logical extreme, and I'm still pursuing that idea. Drum machines are really nostalgic. I love the Roland CR-78, and I used it a bit on "Hello, Mannequin", but it was done purely out of nostalgia. Roland TR-808's, CR-78's, TR-606's, Linn Drums, Simmons....I like them all, actually, but so do thousands upon thousands of other people who have used them since the late 1970's. I can't stand the thought of using the same sounds as everybody else....it just makes no sense to me. As far as guitars, they really don't have a place with the way that I construct my tracks. I could lay down power chords, but that would really cover all the programming work I do. Anything other than that could just be imitated on the synth if I really was aiming for those kinds of textures. So...no guitars, no drum machines, but I might use them for another project at some point.

BILL: I think you've stated before that you don't enjoy remixing your songs; what do you think of the remixes done by other bands such as Norway, The Faint, The Echoing Green, etc.? Did you like the way they came out? Did you commission those, or did the artists come to you and pick their own song? How do you go about the remixing game?

RONNIE: I like some better than others, but I'm grateful to everyone that's done a remix for me. Basically, it comes about by asking someone if they're interested in doing one or by them approaching me.....it's just a low key thing. I'm really not a big fan of remixes in general. I always prefer the original version of anybody's song because that was the artist's intention. They're still fun to do and have done, though, and I'm hoping to have a whole batch done for "Archers".

BILL: How do you sit down in a studio and layer track after track to get that perfect sound without going absolutely crazy? Doing what you do on a daily basis would make my head explode. What if you get a note wrong? Since you don't use computers or sequencers, how difficult is it to go back and fix a track? You must have the patience of a saint.

RONNIE: First off, I don't get a perfect sound because there's no such thing. Joy E has always been extremely DIY. The idea of the "star trek/anime/gadgets and gizmos/video games/computer/synthesizer guy pouring over every oscillator to perfection" does not paint the picture of who I am, I can assure you. I'm simply committed to the early way of multi-tracking synths, so there's really no other way to go about it. I don't like using digital equipment, so the track after track method is basically the only way for me to work to achieve that old, mechanical sound. I definitely go stir crazy at times, but that just goes with making an album with no outside input, which I've always wished could be different. What I do is not complicated or a slow way to work....it's really just the opposite because
it's so completely focused. It causes you to concentrate on one sound at a time and making it fit with the other sounds around it. In that respect it's a very logical way to go about things and really streamlines the process. You're basically "fixing" the track as you go along, so it isn't a matter of laying down wrong notes, but a matter of whether you're happy with the parts you've assembled. People who are spending the most time on tracks are the ones with endless synths, endless sync boxes, endless wires, and endless editing capabilities, because there's no end to
what they can tinker with and do. I have no editing. I program a sound, set up a sequence and put it to tape and then move to the next sound. That is it. I can't explain enough how simple and straighforward it is. There's no rocket science involved whatsoever. And no, I absolutely do not have the patience of a saint...not even close.

BILL: Have you ever considered having Melissa sing a song on a Joy Electric album? Maybe even a duet a la Human League ("Don't You Want Me?") and Ladytron ("Nothing Better")? [NOTE: I mixed up the band names here... The Postal Service did "Nothing Better", not Ladytron.]

RONNIE: Melissa doesn't sing, but I'm not really a fan of female backing vocals anyway. I like what the Human League and Ladytron do with female vocals, but I'm generally not a fan.

BILL: How has married life and being a father impacted your songwriting? I've once heard, "Nothing is more unfortunate for a poet or musician than falling in love." Has being in a marriage relationship and becoming a father changed your perspective on music and lyrics?

RONNIE: I think it's enabled me to write about things other than romantic relationships, which have been done to death throughout the history of pop. It could be argued that you actually HAVE something to write about once you're in a married relationship because that's when some real experience and wisdom have been gained. Still, I've always been interested in abstract topics or whatever is interesting to me at the time. You have such an opportunity in pop music to write lyrics that go against the standard "I Need You", "Hold On To Love", "Always for You" and those kinds of titles and sentiments that have been so exhausted. It always shocks me when people use titles that you've already heard a million times before.

BILL: A quick one, kind of related to the last question: when did you get married to Melissa? Was it before or after the beginning of Joy Electric?

RONNIE: Right before.

BILL: It seems that with each album the lyrics become progressively more and more cryptic. This is especially evident in The White Songbook (which is my second favorite JE album, after Melody). Do you attribute this to your maturing as a lyricist? Where do you get the literary inspiration for them?

RONNIE: Oh, I don't know. TWSB was a lot of gibberish, but the last album and next one are actually really personal, because I wanted to start writing about the subtle horrors that have gone on around me over the past 5-6 years. I don't know about maturing...I feel I could've written any of the lyrics I have at any time, but being at certain places in life put you in different moods. Not every song is a huge internal outpouring of emotion, and TWSB kind of illustrates that pretty well. I think I do a lot of reactionary writing or "devil's advocate" writing these days because I'm still so shocked by people's misplaced emotions. People love to be ruled by who they "think they are" as a person and that continues to astound, disappoint and anger me to no end. It's a lack of progress in people I know that causes me to write what I write at the moment. And I'm not saying I'm discluded, either. Literary inspiration? I really don't know. I ocassionally read a good book, but it doesn't usually inspire my lyrics.

BILL: You produce music that pretty much exists in a category all its own. Do you think this has helped or hurt your career as a musician? Have you ever thought about changing musical styles to increase your fan base?

RONNIE: Well, I certainly don't think I hold all the cards in the creativity department, but I was always vehemently opposed to sounding like anyone else. It's funny when you hear bands that are so obviously inspired by other bands, because it makes me wonder why they're doing what they do. I know you have to start with a reference point, but you should be losing sleep at night coming up with some sort of angle or trick that you can call your own. The problem with the JE sound is that we've existed for so long as the lone novelty synthesizer band in the gospel industry..... which is a weird thing anyway.... and nothing's changed. It's even more barren now as the other few bands who existed before, basically dance or techno groups anyway, have ceased to exist. Changing your style doesn't necessarily mean you increase your fanbase, though, so that's why I've stuck to doing what I like to do. Some bands operate with that 9-5 mentality, you know... touring all year, making accoustic/Creed/Matchbox 20/Dashboard/All American Rejects/Blink 182 pop-rock albums, but I never started making music to do something like that. I always wanted to make weird records, and I'm blessed because I get to do that and have the right people support me doing it. Most people don't understand that I'm in one of the best places to be in, thanks to a lot of key people who believe in me. It amazes me, to be honest.

BILL: What are your views on the current "indie" scene? Do you think the term is self-restrictive? Do you consider Joy Electric "indie"? What do you think of the attitude among fans that bands "sell out" if and when they go mainstream, or join a major label? Isn't that the hope of every musician?

RONNIE: It's funny, but to me, "indie" is the term used to describe British bands from the 80's, like The Smiths. Still, Joy E wouldn't be considered anything other than "indie", although most people don't consider Tooth and Nail much of an indie label these days. I guess they're kind of in between an indie and a major. I think every band wants to sell more records, but some bands realize that there is a limit to what they can sell. Realistically, JE will never sell big numbers, but at the same time we definitely haven't sold to all of our potential fans, either. I've never really understood what "selling out" means. Does a construction worker get upset when more people hire him because they like his work and his wages increase? Why would a band or audience feel any different?

BILL: In some of your songs, it sounds like you both long to be well-known, or at least appreciated for what you do, while at the same time being stand-offish, with a "it doesn't matter, anyway" attitude. What would happen if, all of a sudden, the CCM industry latched onto a future Joy Electric album, and you got catapulted to Audio Adrenaline/Newsboys/DC Talk status? What if "fame" finally did find you? What might change?

RONNIE: I think people have misinterpreted some of those sentiments. I've only wanted the band to do better so that it would be easier to do the band. I have no idea what fame would do other than possibly make me financially secure for the rest of my life, although there's bands who sell a lot of records out there who are definitely not secure financially. There's a certain game that has to be played in order to be a major player in the CCM industry, but I'm just not one of those people, and that's not to say that they're all disingenuine, either. There just happens to be this kind of general attitude that pervades when you meet some of those bands, where they're admitting and apologizing that they're not "cool" but they're trying to play it out so hard like they are, with all the clothes, haircuts, etc. To me, it's like, why are you apologizing? A construction worker who's good at their job doesn't apologize for it. He get's it done and does his best at it and at the end of the day he's making a living. Just own up to it. You have a job that you're successful at. It doesn't mean it's some huge creative outlet for you, but it never was. It's just a job playing music that turned into something successful for you. I just hate that mentality, you know?

BILL: What do you think of bands like Fischerspooner, Ladytron, Felix Da Housecat, Miss Kittin, Les Rhythms Digitales, Future Bible Heroes, The Postal Service, etc.? Do you feel like a veteran, since you've been doing this stuff for over 10 years? Have you ever felt envious that these bands are getting all this attention; that maybe somehow you've been wrongly overlooked? Or do you even associate your music with these bands?

RONNIE: I really enjoy most of the bands you mentioned. I really don't feel like a veteran..... a lot of those bands have been doing stuff for years, too. I don't believe I've been wrongly overlooked, I just understand that we're on a label that doesn't get a lot of ttention from fans of those kinds of bands who might like what we're doing as well. With the exception of the Postal Service, none of those bands sell a huge amount of records, they just get a good amount of press, which I've gotten a certain amount of on and off throughout the years. Labels are responsible for their bands getting press or not... there's nothing more I can do other than what I've already been doing.

BILL: What did you think of the rapid rise of electroclash, and its depiction by music media as the next "big thing"? Did it hurt or help the scene?

RONNIE: I think it probably hurt some of the good bands who will forever be tagged with the label, which is one of those things hat's hard to shake. Who knows. There's always going to be scenes that come in and out, but this just had absolutely zero substance attached. I know a lot of it was to do with the style of music, which is not taken seriously anyway, but this seemed to be a repeat of the New Romantic thing from the 80's..... except none of the electroclash bands when on to sell millions and conquer the pop world like Duran or Spandau Ballet did. It was a weird one, that's for sure..

BILL: How come you don't like your older music? You almost never play songs from the Melody album live, these days.

RONNIE: I do like some of it, but playing it live is kind of a different story. It feels like having to relive something I'd rather not have to. Ever since TWSB, I've been happy to move away from those early albums..... Melody through Christiansongs. I understand that people like some of the older records and grew up with them, but you have to remember that they represent different things to me, most of which I'm not terribly fond of. I'm really happy to move away from that period of time. I think the better and more important work started with TWSB and will be continuing with "Archers". You may have not seen any of the shows, but I played quite a bit of the old material live around the time of TTTT. "Rosewood Lane", "Hansel", "Strawberry Heart", "I Beam", "Candycane Carriage", "Old Wives Tales"....... I covered a lot of it, but enough is enough. I just have no interest in what I consider to be an inconsistent past.

BILL: You're one of the most prolific artists in the music industry. It seems like you put out an album every year, with goodies in-between. What do you attribute to your amazing output?

RONNIE: I don't know. I never understood bands who took so long between records, and because of that, I never wanted to be one of them. I want to give the people who enjoy the albums something to look forward to without testing their patience. It's a privilege to make records, and I want to make the most of it while I have the privilege. Everybody has a different way of working, and I tend to like to get things done. If I sit on something for too long I lose interest in it, so my whole goal when starting something is to finish it. Also, writing has never been an issue for me. It comes easily and it makes sense because I always structure it very logically. If I have a chorus, I'll write a verse, if I have both of those I'll write a lead riff, etc. It's like going down a checklist, and when everything is complete I'm ready to start because I actually have something to start on. Everybody has a different method, but mine is not esoteric, mystical or random in any sense. It's concrete.

BILL: Me and a friend of mine are working on an screenplay adaptation of the classic space opera, Galactic Patrol, by E. E. Smith (serialized in 1937 in the Astounding Science Fiction pulp magazine). If, by some miracle of God, we ever actually produced this film, would you honestly consider doing the soundtrack for it? We could think of no other choice (we didn't even consider any other choice).

RONNIE: Thanks for considering me, it sounds interesting. I would definitely consider doing it.

BILL: My friend, also a fan, wanted me to include this question: "I have noticed an increase of so-called 'worship music.' It seems like the majority of which is very shallow and rarely includes truths about God, but includes trite lyrics such as "I want to fall in love with You", "You are awesome", "You are worthy of Praise". All of these statements about God are true, but the vast majority of worship music sounds as though it's simply lame copies that are relabeled and packaged to sell. What are your thoughts?"

RONNIE: Well, I agree. Twelve years ago nobody was doing worship albums and now everyone has them coming out consistently, so that simply tells you that this is something that sells. That doesn't mean we can judge people's motives, but it certainly means you can be critical of the music and whether or not you want to buy it and support it. I choose not to buy or support it because it lacks a genuiness to me. It feels like listening to bad soft rock with insulting lyrics.

FUN JOY ELECTRIC FACTS:

1. What are your all-time favorite album(s)? List as many or as few as you'd like.

New Order - Substance
The Smiths - The Queen is Dead
A-ha - Hunting High and Low
Primal Scream - Screamadelica
Stereolab - Margarine Eclipse
The Stone Roses - Self Titled
After the Fire - Der Komissar
441 - Mourning into Dancing
LSU - Shaded Pain
The Innocence Mission - Glow
Travelogue - The Art of Conversation
Crumbacher - Escape from the Fallen Planet
Undercover - Branded
MATW - Self titled

There's a few that came to mind. It's hard to remember. With the exception of Stereolab and Travelogue, I don't listen to any of the records listed too much.

2. All-time favorite movie(s)?

Sound of Music
A Summer Place
West Side Story
Hoosiers
Field of Dreams
Lord of the Rings trilogy
Gattica
Oklahoma
Finding Neverland

3. All-time favorite book(s)/author(s)?

The Great Divorce - CS Lewis
Relativism - Can't remember the authors names
Seasons of the Heart series by Janette Oke
Love Comes Softly series by Janette Oke

4. What's your favorite restaurant? Favorite food?

Babes in Palm Springs, CA. Best strawberry shortcake I've ever had.

Favorite food - BBQ.

5. Do you have any pets?

2 cats - Jo and Goodie.

6. Do you have any other siblings?

Older brother Keith
Older sister Kim
Younger brother Jason
Younger sister Amy

7. Are the earthquakes in California scary? Ever been caught in one?

Ummm.....they never really "scare" me. I think it's scarier to read about them than to be in them and feel a little rumbling. I don't know, some poeple do get really paranoid about things like that, but I don't.

8. How often do you play live in your hometown?

About 5-10 times a year on the average.

9. Do you plan on having any more kids?

No.

10. Do you ever play music in your home church? If so, what type?

No.

11. What type of church do you go to? (Simple curiosity.) Do you consider yourself part of any kind of "denomination"?

I go to an EV Free church in Corona, CA. I'm not officially a part of any denomination yet, but we just started at this church so that will probably change.

12. Last, but not least, and definitely important: will there ever be a Beautiful Dazzling Music Vol. 2?

It already came out. I called it "Melody".[NOTE: Oh. Heh.].

...

Well, there you have it, folks. An interview with one of the most talented -- and definitely one of the nicest -- guys in music today. Thanks again, Ronnie, for taking the time to do this! It's much appreciated.

Bumps in the night...

Me and my buddy Eric went to see The Ring Two at the local dollar theater. I barely remember the first one. Neither were that scary... That is, some parts were freaky, but not scary. Ghosts and ghouls and monsters and such don't really scare me... Movies like Silence of the Lambs, Taking Lives, Hannibal, etc... now those movies freak the living crap out of me... Because they're real. Or almost real. Based on real life. I mean, there very well could be some dude lounging around in his apartment right now, eating potato chips and watching Trading Spaces while severed heads sit in his fridge. It very well could be your neighbor. Spooky.

But watching the movie sparked some interesting conversation. Eric and I spent the rest of the evening swapping scary stories. His were a little bit cooler than mine (I only have two). Eventually we delved into demonology, spiritual warfare... I believe explicitly in demons, demonic activity... as well as angels and angelic activity... both are mutually inclusive, one requires the other.

I also believe in Electronic Voice Phenomena, or EVP. I first read about it in a book of essays by Beat author William S. Burroughs. It's a scientific fact: audible voices have been recorded in unoccupied rooms. There is scientific evidence to support this. I have my own theory, and it ties in to Burroughs' view: when we speak, our voice box creates electromagnetic vibrations in air molecules, which transfer the electromagnetic vibrations to our ear-drums; our brains then re-interpret those ear-drum vibrations as sound. That's why you wouldn't hear anything in outer space, or in a vacuum: there's no air molecules to carry the vibrations to our ear-drums. Sound needs a medium in which to travel. My theory is this: since matter and energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only changed from one form to another*... and the electromagnetic waves we create when we speak can be considered a form of energy... Well, every word we've ever spoken, every tonal utterance we've ever delivered, from the moment of our birth to the time of our death, lives on in some form or other... electromagnetically speaking, that is (no pun intended). Theoretically, every word spoken by man, since the dawn of creation, could still be "floating around" in our atmosphere, or orbiting the planet. Yes, sound waves decay and break apart over time, losing coherence, but they still exist in some form. Perhaps... perhaps those EVP recordings are merely the residual vibrations of decaying electromagnetic energy in the form of sound waves? Sounds a bit far-fetched, I know, and it's the plot of the latest Michael Keaton movie (I'm Batman!). Still, it's an interesting phenomena worth bearing investigation. A couple of years ago, I remember seeing a segment on EVP on a reputable news show... and they played back a recording... It was a conversation between two people who weren't in the room with the recorder. Upon pumping up the volume to over 200%, you could hear it clearly. One voice was asking who the other was. The second voice responded (in a Cockney accent, no less): "I'm Jack... I'm a ghost."

But I've gone off on a tangent. Getting back to spooky movies... I was a little disappointed with The Ring Two because I saw the ending coming a mile away. (SPOILER WARNING!!!! SKIP IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE END!!!) The little boy gets possessed, because Samorra (the ghost-girl) wants his body. The mother figures it out and offers herself to Samorra, instead. And then she "kills" herself by jumping off the cliff (the cliff in the video). I think I pissed off Eric, because I pointed out what was going to happen about half-way into the movie. He didn't believe me at first when I said I hadn't seen it (the sequel). I told him, as a writer, I pick up on formulas very quickly, especially formula-films; and horror movies are notorious for being formulaic. I mean, come on, I'd seen almost the same thing in The Exorcist. (END SPOILER WARNING!!!!).

But the movie got me thinking. When I got home last night, I found my copy of The Amityville Horror, by Jay Anson. I'm sure everyone's familiar with the Amityville Horror story... the DeFeo slayings, the haunted house with walls that bleed, the flies on the window, etc., etc. The more I read, the more I was convinced hauntings were real. But then I got online and did some research and found out that Jay Anson, the author, embellished a few things, and George and Kathy Lutz, the owners of the house after the DeFeo slayings, later recanted some of their statements. Still, some of that stuff did happen. And it made me wonder just how much influence demons can have over the real world, the world of our physical reality.

At the risk of sounding like a crackpot, I do believe in psychic phenomena. Remote viewing, ESP, telekinesis. Some of this stuff has been recorded by scientists who have a strong, clear bias against these things. How can they refute their own evidence? Just because they can't explain it away with their science doesn't make it any less real. In my opinion, science and religion cannot exist one without the other. Both are irrevocably intertwined. Each needs the other. And hence, the presence of inexplicable psychic activity. The government has released documents in which the U.S. military used Remote Viewers (RVs) to "spy" on enemies thousands of miles away. They sit the RV's down in a room, give them a pencil and a piece of paper, and the RV sketches the object in their mind. The object tends to be a place, a location, or a person, or whatever, that actually exists. The majority of the time, it's a place the RV has never been to, nor seen in real life or even in photographs. Hidden enemy bases have been located this way. So have missile silos, weapons caches, drug labs, etc. This is fact, people. You can get access to this information thanks to the Freedom of Information Act. After so many years, the government HAS to make the information available to the General Public. Of course, you may have to wade through hundreds of miles of red tape, but the info is there.

The point of all this: I want to write a scary story. I want to scare people. Is that bad? There's more than just the motivation of scaring people, though: there's loads of money involved. Just ask Stephen King or Dean Koontz (I love his name). People like to be scared, and they like scary stories. Getting paid to freak people out would be awesome. And I can tell some pretty scary stories (you don't want me around your campfire at night). I know I could do this, because there's always a formula attached to a scary story. There's always some reoccuring theme in every urban legend or ghost story. There are only so many mysteries to solve...

If anyone has any of their own real-life ghost stories (and not some tale you heard during camp when you were a kid), then tell me. I may want to rip it off. Course, I'll give you proper credit.

...

The no-smoking thing is working out. It's not as bad as I thought. I've been chewing Nicorette gum and it quells the cravings. Now I just have to fight the hand-to-mouth oral fixation, the muscle memory of packing, lighting, and smoking the actual cigarette. Five years of repetitive hand movements and gestures and actions are kinda difficult to overcome... but I have, thank you. And I will. In the words of Bartles & James: "Thank you for your support".

...

* The first law of thermodynamics. Come on, people, weren't you paying attention in Physics class?

I Quit Smoking Today

I've been smoking about a pack a day for the past five years. There are numerous reasons for this abrupt change of face:

1) I want to be Christ-like,

2) I don't want to give RJ Reynolds any more of my money (I'm paying them to kill me slowly and painfully),

3) I'm tired of hiding it from people who (I think) think smoking is bad, wrong, disgusting, evil, whatever.

4) I don't want it to come between me and any Significant Others who might come my way some day...

5) I want to get my taste buds back. I want to smell good food.

6) I don't want yellow teeth or fingernails.

7) etc., etc., etc.

This is going to be a very difficult task to accomplish, but we're called to have self-control and self-discipline. Smoking, in a way, proved that I lacked self-discipline.

But hundreds of thousands of others have kicked it... And so can I...

But be ready for some snippy posts here in the next couple of weeks, and forgive me in advance if I bite anyone's head off...

Don't Panic!

So I sat down to write a lofty review of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy but ended up typing a 10-page plot synopsis. A synopsis is not a review. So I'll just skip the fancy talk and bite into the grist.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is the first novel in a series of books by English author Douglas Adams (RIP). They use sci-fi/space opera as a vehicle for satire, and Adams' dry British wit really shines with each page. The books themselves are an amazingly easy read, with pages and pages of hilarious dialogue woven into a backdrop of exposition that pokes fun at human foibles such as love, friendship, and the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. Sounds deep, but remember, this is a satire...

The movie itself is gorgeous. The special effects are flawless, and the animatronic aliens are truly amazing. Thankfully the producers decided to use as little CGI as possible (saving it for the spaceship scenes) and made the alien creatures out of actual physical animatronics (like Jabba the Hutt from Return of the Jedi). The Vogons, the movie's bad guys, are truly ugly, and they're made even more disgusting by the fact that they're ACTUALLY THERE IN FRONT OF THE HEROES, and not stenciled in with computer-generated imagry. The same goes for the rest of the aliens in the movie... One scene has our heroes on a planet with a cantina not unlike the one seen in the very first Star Wars movie (the one with Luke and an old Obi-Wan). The director could have stuffed the scene with hundreds of CGI bemmies (bug-eyed monsters), but he went the Jim Henson route and used actors in costumes, which I applaude. The lack of CGI doesn't make it any less believable... in fact, it makes the scene work even better... And for this, I applaude the production team.

My favorite scenes were with the Infinite Improbability Drive. The Infinite Improbabilty Drive is the engine that propels our hero's spaceship through all possible points and probabilities in space and time, effectively by-passing the circuitous routes of hyperspace travel. Unfortunately, it also has the disturbing effects of transforming the ship's occupants into sofa chairs, garden flowers, and, yes, even tiny little dolls made of yarn (that is, until the ship achieves "normalcy" again). Ever puked up string? You just have to see it to believe it.

The last scenes with Sartlebartfast (sp) the world builders are gorgeous. Utterly gorgeous. I'm in love with outer space; with images of airless moons set against the backdrop of tiny star, and huge Saturnalian worlds that dot the horizon. Whoever came up with the special effects for this movie should win an Academy Award. They do much to infuse the audience with the sense of wonder that is part and parcel of sci-fi/space opera.

Also of note, Mos Def, a rapper, turns in an EXCELLENT performance as Ford Prefect, an alien journalist working for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. For those of you who've never heard of Mos Def, he's a talented street poet and master of rhymes, also a member of Blackstar, with Taleb Kwali. These aren't your typical gangsta rappers... they're socially-aware and intelligent poets who happen to use rap to convey their thoughts on the society and politics of the black man. I'm a 25-year-old white suburban kid, so I can't say I can identify with them completely, but I can appreciate what they do (and I'm not speaking out of my ass here, folks... I own a couple of Blackstar tracks). Just saying... Mos Def did an excellent job.

If you like Monty Python, go see this film. You'll be able to look past the sci-fi trappings and see the humor behind it all.

...

Mondays are my Paige days. Paige is my little three-year-old neice. I babysit her from 7:30 AM till about 5:30 PM, while Maleea, my sister, is at work.

A typical Paige day consists of cartoons, trips to the park, the mall, Yellow Springs, Young's Dairy Farm, and more cartoons.

Ah, cartoons. If you've got a kid between the ages of 2-6, then you've heard of Dora the Explorer, Spongebob Squarepants, Lazytown, Fairly-Odd Parents, The Wiggles, The Backyardigans, Jimmy Neutron, Higgly Town Heroes, Miss Spider's Sonny Patch, Rugrats, etc. The list goes on and on. And for the most part, I can appreciate the education kids receive from these shows. They teach kids how to share, how to be kind to others, how to take care of their bodies (hygeine, exercize, etc.)

But I watched the debut of one new show, called the Doodlebops, and I just had to cringe. The Doodlebops are three alien-looking dudes (well, one's a chick) with orange, blue, and red skin, wild hair, and big gangly hands. They're in a band, hence the name Doodlebops. I can't help it... but this show... it's gag-inducing. I can put up with The Wiggles (altho they have to be the ugliest Brits in the universe), but these Doodlebops... It's a Canadian show... I don't know if that has anything to do with it... But the actors who play them... They're horrific. They ooze so much saccharine sweetness and naivete that I want to projectile vomit at the screen. Actually, it wouldn't be so bad if one of the characters, I can't remember his name (he's the blue one), wasn't so flamingly gay. Now, before you all flay me alive for my (seemingly) narrow-mindedness, let me go on record as saying I have absolutely no ill-will towards gay people. I have handful of gay and lesbian friends, all of whom I love dearly. But this dude... is so FLAMINGLY gay that listening to him talk is akin to hearing nails on a chalkboard. He doesn't belong on a kid's television show, he belongs on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

What's this trend among children's shows of including gay characters? I know they exist, I know they're there, but kids just can't understand it. They're not old enough to comprehend homosexuality. Or at least metrosexuality. The feminine lisping, the limp-wristedness... it flies right over they're heads. But at the same time, it's there... and they can't ignore it. Do you really want your 5-year-old son playing tea party while traipsing around with butterflies and ribbon-wands? WTF?! Stick a rifle in his hand, smear some camo paint on his face, and shove him outside to kill Cobra Commander.

Speaking strictly for myself, I couldn't imagine ever identifying with effeminiate male heroes as a child. I was raised on GI Joe, He-Man, Thundercats, Silverhawks, C.O.P.S., you know... MANLY-MAN cartoons. Bullets and jets and gung-ho heroes. Not Flopsy-Mopsy the Transgender It-Thing. Duke, Lion-O, freakin' HE-MAN. How much more manly can you get than Adam, Prince of Eternia and Defender of the Realm of Castle Greyskull?

Am I seriously that narrow-minded? I would like to think not. I consider myself a pretty open-minded individual. Or is this something that everyone all over the world approves of? It scares me, sometimes... Yes, homosexuals exist, and that's no big deal; and yes, it's proper to teach children to respect everyone, no matter who they are. But that's an understanding the kids need to come into on their own time... not when they're too young to really know what's going on "beneath the surface". It would only confuse them.

Needless to say, Paige is never going to watch the Doodlebops while I'm in charge.

...

At the same time, I WILL say I have serious jungle-fever for Raven Simone (That's So Raven, on the Kid's Disney Channel). She used to play the youngest daughter (not Rudy) on the Cosby Show. But now she's all grown up. And she's filled out. She's HOT, people. H-O-T.

I feel so ashamed...